You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
