that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
