and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
