I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
