went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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