you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
