There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
