What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
