Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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