Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
