I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
