I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
