I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
