I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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