whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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