Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
