So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
