dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
