He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
