took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
