Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
