i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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