White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
