C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
