2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
