Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
