So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
