I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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