When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
