What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
