So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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