Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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