he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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