Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
