He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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