I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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