There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you made out with another girl for some wings
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
