I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
