i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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