I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
