No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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