She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
