sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
