Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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