Will you blow on my dice?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
