oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
