Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
