I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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