My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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