I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
